A reason

I am sure there is always a reason why SPD exist. We are all different. I watched Sir Ken Robinson TED lecture a couple months ago out of serendipity. I really love youtube, you never know what you can watch and it really open up my world. Of course there are still junks out there, but you have to swim through a bunch of bad ones to get to the good ones. And all this sharing of Sir Ken's ideas, really got me thinking about creativity and how the brain works and schools in general. Why do we have special schools for special kids and not have a school that mixed all the kids up and they can learn and feed from each other. Isn't the world like that ??? you live and work with people and you learn from other people because they think differently than you and you think differently than them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY

And to always follow your passion. What if the brain is predetermined for the passion you have and SPD that we may have in all of us pin points us to fill up the passion. SPD make you learn things differently once you know what your body limit is or maybe it is unlimited.

I do not know why Clemmie has SPD or why Theo has his, but they both have their own way of learning. Clemmie is a language guru, but not Theo. Theo loves to build things and those things are architectural and spatial, but Clemmie has no interest in that area at all. Clemmie loves water, but Theo likes water. Even if we are not paying much attention, we are still learning from our surroundings in a probably subconscious level.

At the dentist

My best friend is our family dentist. And today we went in to have cleaning done. I have never met kids that ever liked their dentists with or without SPD.

Going to the dentist has always been an ordeal for my kids.
Clemmie really did put up a fight for a 10 minutes cleaning. Dr Emily was literally pinning Clemmie down with her arm so she could't move and yelling "Stop Clemmie!!!" doesn't really help.

The only time both of them ever sit still for Dr Emily was when I took them for emergency sessions. They both have their fair share of banging their front teeth awhile sliding down the slide or from tripping.

Good that their teeth didn't turn gray and fall off. They are quiet resilience.

And on my end I had two cavities. Now I wonder if it is my age cause I rarely eat candies.

Great expectations

What a Saturday? I think I need to start thinking of positive thoughts in a general sense of what to expect of my kids and also of me and my reactions towards them and the people around us.
Maybe I am afraid of being scrutinized by others that do not know me, do I need to have a thick skin?

When my aunt invited us to lunch at Trump National Golf Course, I was already having a lump in my throat, how are my kids going to react to a new environment. Clemmie always get excited and Theo withdrawn after the excitement was over.

There wasn't a chance of stopping Clemmie from running back and forth or going up and down the stairs, but I do not want her to do it inside the club house. I took her outside kicking and screaming and try to distract her with everything and yes a stair outside! We probably went up and down the stairs 20 times. And a gentleman who saw her inside crying, commented how happy she was outside.

Theo on the other hand was having an anxiety attack. He usually was good with sitting down at the table, but he told me he was afraid of the people inside the club house. I think he meant the chattering noise of people talking and the unfamiliarity of faces. He was afraid to go inside and sit at the restaurant and had an hour of tantrum. He was running in and out of the club house. Thank goodness my nanny Maria was a good sport. She held on to Clemmie, as I took hold of Theo and try to understand his fear.

He also needed some vestibular input and wanted to be flipped upside down and after 5 minutes of flipping, he calms down. And he needed some big hugs and some rocking, too.

The whole time of having the hostess watched us going back and forth and in and out of the club house, I am sure she is wondering what the heck we were doing and why my kids were crying. Some guests were also stunned with sadden eyes or shocked with disgust.

After an hour and a half with nothing much to do since I couldn't just leave my kids and go in and eat. We head off to McD's play place. And enjoyed ourselves there.

The day activities makes night and day of my kids. I was dreading to go to dinner at Cheesecake Factory. JP and my parents took them. They sat through a two hour dinner without a fuss and even had dessert.

I am a believer of sensory diet and I hope my dad did, too.

Parents ...

can't stand them, can't live without them.

My dad is explosive when things doesn't go his way. And it is getting in the way of family dynamics.

I thought he understood what I was going through, but I guess not. I was really angry and frustrated when I became that explosive person. Trying to argue my side of the story. Which is exactly what was said in all the the stories of family with SPD kids or autistic kids, nobody understands the kid nor the parents, what they have to go through everyday.

It is hard enough to think how people will judge you like this one mom's story about her son wearing flip flops in 20 degree F weather because he can't stand having socks on his feet and threw a tantrum because of the socks issue. And other people thinking how she could have let her son get away with wearing just flip flops.

I have that same socks issue with my Clemmie. That was before I learn about her having SPD. She would keep taking her socks off, no matter how hard I try to keep those on her during the cold weather. And with long sleeved shirts, she would pull up the sleeves and take off her coat and run off like she was at the beach in 80 degree weather.
And during hot weather she would ask for a sweater.

Now I don't even bother about the socks. I got her some seamless ones by smartknits. Those stay on her feet longer but she has sweaty feet and eventually those will be off by the next hour or two.

After this transition phase is over I am going to set up some ground rules!

I discipline my kids the way I see fit and my parents can criticize all they want, but they have no right to take over the discipline when I am in charge.

Theo was sitting watching his iPad and it calms him just having the visual stimulation after coming back home from daycare. I am okay about him not eating because he is tired. And after an hour I asked him to shut off his iPad and place it on the kitchen counter. As JP scooped up the food he wanted into his bowl. Theo did not follow my instruction about putting his iPad away and I had to repeat like a broken record. I got the situation under control and met him half way, he answered me saying that he will leave it on the couch. Then my dad came in and grabbed the iPad away from him and started yelling at him and then the whole situation went south. Theo's tantrum and crying lasted for an hour or so when all this could be avoided at all cost. If we all give some patience and some respect and understanding.

Then my dad started his lecture about how I need to discipline my kids to sit for dinner. I can't let him just sit there and watch his iPad and not eat.

But pick the right battle. And this isn't the right battle when my kids haven't seen me for 6 hours and they want to relax and just do nothing and put their guards down for a bit then have someone yell at them for reasons they do not know why they should be punished.

And if it comes to the worst part no visiting grandparents' house. I know the kids cannot behave like the society wants them to behave. At least right now I have acknowledged that they are not the typical child.

I am really really having second thoughts about this move. If I can't get the help they needed I am moving back to get them the support that they and I need.

P.S. So the following day, Theo was still upset with grandpa, he pointed to grandpa's computer and told him to put it away cause we are having breakfast. lol.

Indian spices waking up the senses

Judy suggests to have Theo eat more flavorful food so I took an Indian cooking class today with Kaumudi Marathe at Surfas located in Culver City. I like the fact that it is what her website says Un-Curry. Theo likes chilly too, but I can make un-chilly dishes and just add some chilly for him to wake up his taste buds. He also tends to over stuff his mouth with food which means low muscle tone.

The class I took was called Meat Feast. We cooked up chicken, lamb and shrimp, since some students doesn't eat lamb, we used beef instead. A wonderful selection of spices were introduced, I never used cinnamon in meat dishes besides for dessert and sweets. I love the smell of green cardamom, coriander seeds and cumin seeds.

Both my kids like the westernized version of Indian food with a lot of tomato paste added to make the flavor more acceptable. Now that I have learned something new, I am going to add that to my cooking repertoire.

Definitely check out Kaumudi's cooking classes if you are in Los Angeles. I find not only the class was fun, but very informative in the historical aspect of India being that she is also a journalist by trade.

http://www.un-curry.com

The pool and an advice

Sunday, my mom's best friend threw us a farewell party. Just so happened her brother's place has a pool. Both my kids were delighted with the sight of the pool. JP was of course guarding Clemmie from falling in. I knew eventually she was going to get in and she did. It was so funny how she took off her clothes at the end without any worry and care in the world. My mom on the other hand was very concern and pushed me to take her out immediately. I wondered if she is concerned about how her friends' would think or the chilly weather, but the sun was out with a little breeze. And Clemmie loves the cold on her skin.

Theo was delighted but extremely caution about water. He just kneel by the edge of the pool to get a touch of the water with both his hands.

As the day progress, I tried to get the kicking and screaming Clemmie out of the pool once and she ended up back at the pool. I hate doing that to her. And I also have to deal with my mom. If no harm, no foul why can't the pool be Clemmie's outlet. Clemmie did take a miss step and fell in deeper by the steps, but she was okay. It happened in Hawaii and I grabbed her by the arms and pulled her right up. She is a swimmer. Next step is to get her swimming lessons.

I did asked for advice in dealing with non believer of SPD. Krissy, the director of admission at school, told me any criticism coming from one's mom is the most painful. It is so true. Being a mom can be cruel. I wonder if I would do that to Clemmie one day be hurtful and cruel when it is her turn to have her own children. I do not want to be that mom. Maybe it was how she was brought up with nothing and she rely upon herself.

Krissy's nephew is autistic with spectrum Asperger syndrome and she knows how it goes around family members. She suggested to lay a ground rules before going to places. And keep reminding them the rules. And she uses a treat as her leverage which she hates to do, but it works to keep things under control. All the places she suggests for family gathering would be outdoors that way the kids can be loud and they will not bother anyone. Her nephew is smart and he won prizes for his science endeavors. The next Einstein in the making. The mind is a beautiful thing.

What is going on this week of May 9th?

Recapping my week with their therapies and feedbacks.

Clemmie gets overly agitated when grandparents are in town and on top of that we have our move to Hong Kong which adds to her SPD. But we still need to look out for her behaviors that are not part of the sensory seeking. She is free spirited and full of mischiefs to begin with and her SPD brings it up a notch when she can't sit still to eat.

Judy helped me with identifying key behaviors that need to go with appropriate consequences. Listening is one and follow through with action is another. Just because at times the SPD takes over, we still need to remind her that she is in control of her body and will power can kick in with outside help. I always remind myself to use the phrase, if you can't do what I asked of you, I will have to help your body.

I tried not to go into spanking, but I do admit I get frustrated and at the last resort I spank to get full attention and she was able to stop her body then I know it was a behavior issue. And sometimes the spank would cause the SPD to arise more, that is when nothing works and I have to wait it out and help her get out of it.

I think I need to get help myself to cope with all this. I don't want to spank, to yell or to do anything of that sort. Maybe some aromatherapy can help us both to calm our senses.

Judy used weights on both kids. Clemmie with ankle weights about half a pound on both ankles to help slow her body down and also to keep her heels on the ground. (I think that if she can do her tippy toes naturally, dancing class should help give her the outlet and structure at the same time.)
Theo immediately put on the rubber wrist weights and he likes the ankle weights too. The pound of weights depends on the weight of the child. Since Clemmie and Theo are about the same size and weight around 40 pounds each, 3/4 to 1 pound each should be a good start.

I am also looking at weighted blankets for sleeping. Both of the kids sleep with each of us, Clemmie with me and Theo with papa. And I have read so much on the psychology of sleeping with your kids and it is bad for the kids and you, etc. But yet those arguments do not go into anything related to the kids' maturity level and what about kids with SPD? who rely on sensory input to calm their body down. Until the child has the idea of how to self soothe there is always an underline reason why some kids cannot do it. And I sometimes wonder why couples in the old days have separate beds. Maybe they are hypersensitive?

Theo has been working hard with his speech therapy. Cathy is always concern if he missed a session everything would fall back, which isn't the case and he proved it to her time and time again even after getting well from a flu, he was able to continue where they left off.

He has such great memory, it is mind blowing. He would remember how her desk was last week verse this week and attempted to rearrange her office back to the way he sees it. Maybe he could be an interior designer with his spatial skills.

Location:Kelton Ave,Los Angeles,United States

Weekend sensory diet

Saturday, we went to a gymboree party. It was so much fun for the kids. The staffs hosting the party were genuinely enthusiastic. And this place is a sensory diet for both Clemmie and Theo. Judy said she is definitely on the sensory seeking side. I am still trying to figure out Theo he could be in the hypersensitive side of the spectrum. But he grew out most of his fear by trying. I remembered him needing the push and encouragement to just climb up a ladder in the playground and stepping into one of those spider chains was mission impossible. Slowly and surely he knows his limit and pushed beyond and now he can climb without me guarding him every minutes.

At gymboree, he was pushing the giant rainbow ball that is probably 5 times his size and it was a great work out. And I really like the padded barrel, they were both in the barrel and I pushed them as they tumbled.
Theo enjoyed hiding in a clam shell filled with colorful pearls. Hiding in the dark calm his senses.

Clemmie especially love the whale ride which basically was a giant tube filled of air balancing on a half sphere awhile one of the hosts was holding on to one end of the giant tube to make it bounce and move. Similar to a bulls ride. And she never wanted to get off. At one point I felt really bad cause Clemmie refused to get off and I offered my help with two kids on board to maneuver. What a workout for all of us.

And then sugar high!

Happy Mommy's day

Everyday should be Mommy's day!

JP took charge of the kids today as I kept on packing. He took them to chuck e cheese and enough sensory bombardment for the day, but the kids love it over there. I find the noise extremely overwhelming. Maybe I have a sensory issue with noise and I never particularly like to listen to music.

I am looking into this hereditary issue with SPD.

We are not stupid!

This is my vent blog. I just have to get it out of my chest.

It is really hard to make people understand the condition of SPD. So many times I have been criticized as a not strict enough parent to get Clemmie to stay still for dinner or not to fidget. Or make Theo eat more because he is too skinny.

And this is coming from my own mother. How many times I tried to explain to her and gave her analogy that they were born this way and we are trying to help them. And I did ask her if she thinks that my cousin Kenny is not born with the extra X chromosome and is not a down syndrome. And my nephew Louie wasn't born with bad kidney's tubes which cause his kidney to be enlarged four times the normal size of a child. And she acknowledge those conditions, but doesn't believe the human brain could be born this way?

It is a lengthy process and an expensive burden and needs every ounce of commitment.

Maybe she wants to be in denial, but I thank my father for research and support. Or I would go insane if I hear anyone telling my children that they are stupid.

No trapeze nor monkey bars

I took Clemmie to her pedi today to check on her nursemaid's elbow. Everything feels and looks okay. But the doctor did suggest to put off all activities eg: trapeze or monkey bars on hold until she is six years old.

Once injured, it is easy to injure again in the same manner.

Now I am afraid to hold her by the hands. I do have a teddy bear leash, but it is way too tight on her.

And if I don't hold her hands when she is out on the sidewalk, she runs straight out on the street. Which happened today so I may just as well carry her. I did explained to her if she does what she did at the zoo again she will hurt her arm again.

Every split of a second becomes dangerous if she couldn't help to control those impulses of being fearless.

A surprise for me.

She did really well waiting in the doctor's room today. We waited in the room for 30 minutes. And we did some rearrangement of the chairs since she was fidgety. But other than that I am happy that she didn't throw a tantrum.

After the doctor, I took Clemmie back to class and she usually throws a dismay and will be so attached to my waist and wouldn't let go. Now for the first time we walked into her group and she actually sat down without me asking her to do so and she did not respond "no, I don't want to."

A happy camper!

A wonderful article written by a mommy

My dad actually read this article and told me to read it:
The Child You Didn't Dream Of by Priscilla Gilman, April 10, 2011 from Newsweek
http://www.newsweek.com/2011/04/10/the-child-you-didn-t-dream-of.html

From speaking with my preschool director, she was so happy that I am working with everyone at the school to solve Theo's and Clemmie's quirks. She said that most parents would be in denial since the parents feel that labeling the child would give the child disadvantages. I told her, I am no expert, so anything I can do to help my child I would do no matter what. I remembered reading a posting written by someone about his speech problems and he wished that his parents had done something about it. He wrote, if he had speech therapy at an early age, it would change his whole life.  Now, he is very self conscious and with very low self esteem because he can't speak properly and people thinks that he is retarded. I always have that in my head. 

The author's coming to term and realizing that her child needs help is a great step into actually helping the child. I was like her looking up all the possible things and trying to fit all the puzzles together to see the big picture. It is never too late to seek help. Late is better than never acknowledging the problem.

Theo and Clemmie are so lucky to have wonderful, caring people to play with: all the teachers and staffs at Bright Horizons at Water Garden, Santa Monica, CA, Betsy Cantor - child therapist, Catherine Owens - speech therapist and Judy Fishman - occupational therapist.

It is truly a brighter tomorrow.

Today, Cathy and I had a great laugh when I told her about Theo's vocabulary growth and usage. Theo and I were in the waiting room waiting for her and we were flipping through a magazine. He loves to make his own little comments about everything he sees. As I was flipping, Theo stopped me and said "look at his packs" pointing his finger at the picture of the muscular man's abdomen, I was laughing so hard. Then I asked him "how many packs?" and he counted out loud "one, two, three, four packs!"